Matters of the Heart(Closed with Akiza)

Kagayaite would pace about restlessly in the small guards room of the Hojo compound he was afforded ending up pacing up the walls and over the ceiling in his restlessness, he couldn't sleep her barely could stomach food, he knew he was falling apart. He looked into the small mirror on the , dark circles already prominent, and standing out all the more next to his silvery white eyes. He hated this what it was doing to him, and by extension every time he thought of Akiza a small pit of anger would grow inside it, and he hated himself all the more for it. He needed to do something.. he needed to find some closure, but she was off in another country. She was vacationing with her new fiance, he needed to respect that.... besides he would seem insane if he showed up there unannounced, begging to speak with her. he would seem far to desperate... even though that's exactly how he felt he promised to abide by her decision. He looked outside to the large pen that the hojo kept their personal messenger hawks in, now all the more cluttered with the addition of what few the Hyuuga took with them...

Getting out a pen and a paper he decides to write down, what he cannot or will not say out loud.

Quote :

Dear Akiza-chan,

he begins hoping she would at least appreciate his use of her name.

Quote :

I... don't really know how to start this letter. But I needed to ask you a question again and, well I need you to answer honestly...

Why did you chose Sensui... It's eating me up inside more than you could possibly know. Your answer yesterday was vague at best and I -know- there was more to it then that. The way you looked into my eyes and said you loved me -earlier that day- I just know something must have happened.. -Something- must have changed for you to marry someone else later that day. Please... I need to know.

Kagayaite

Rolling the message up he would attach to the fastest messenger hawk Suna would have available. And, send it off. watching it disappear into Suna's wide, endless sky he would wait there for almost an hour his heart pounding with anxiety wondering what her response would be, eventually he would shake his head, he was being stupid and he needed to find something to do to occupy himself find some way to sleep.

It would be a beautiful crisp sunny day in Land of Spring, everyone was out by the shore enjoying some beach fun. Akiza would be lounging about on the beach, sunbatheing and has the refreshing sea air carass her skin whilst watching a Sensui off in the distance doing some laps in the water. A resort attendant would approach her side, with a letter offered to her - informing akiza it is from Sunagakure. She would take the letter and offer a tip to the attendant for her troubles, before sitting up and reads it over silently to herself with a frown creeping on her face.

Glancing back over to Sensui she notices he is still some distance away swimming about, she would take a blank piece of scented paper with her perfume before replying to a Kagayaite:

Quote :

" Dearest Kaga-kun,

We made it to Spring safe and sound, it is really beautiful here and magical. There are tall-tales of dragons even once living here. It is a site to see for sure, and hope you get to enjoy it here as well. As for what happened to help me in choosing was the fact yes, although taken by surprise – I had 3 conditions and he met them all without hesitation and that to me shows devotion. I too made the same condition to you some time ago, not sure if you remember it but… he was willing to make a sacrifice for me so long as it meant my happiness. That is what eased my mind in knowing that he was going to be the husband who would do whatever it took to support his family.

Sensui-kun is a good man too, despite the troubles he has gotten himself into. Time will tell what will come of it, but I do still have high hopes in his dream of a new world – a better world, and he wants me to be his queen in that world. I… know it is difficult right now, but my feelings for you have never changed. It likely never will, because you are my first love~ But he is my soulmate, and I hope… that you will still respect that and find your soulmate as well. She is out there, I wish I could have been her, but that was not our destiny at this point in time. He will take good care of me, I promise you and if he doesn’t I will tell you so you can kick his ass. <333

I do miss you terribly, and hope things are going well back home. Please… find happiness, if not for yourself – do it for me. If my happiness meant anything to you, if you are still willing to make that sacrifice for me, please try.

Forever yours,

Hyuuga, Akizanami Kisaragi <3~"

Kagayaite would be sitting eating breakfast the next day when the message returned, the scent of her perfume still lingering over the envelope like a warm kiss upon his cheek followed by a tiny twisting dagger in his heart. Suddenly he would freeze at that feeling of dread, dropping the envelope back next to his plate, scared of just what it will say. He would attempt to ignore it sitting there, as he tries to continue eating though he would seem to fail at both. That faint scent pulling at him he would glare at the envelope, only able to take small nibbles as he quickly loses his appetite to nerves. Again he tries to forget, throwing the envelope under his chair for now.

His foot would beat a rapid staccato as he fidgets in his seat, now forcing down his meal, repulsed by what he usually finds delicious. Then suddenly in a flurry of movement Kaga would sweep aside his plate, almost knocking it off the table in his hurry to dive beneath his chair and place that envelope back on the table before him, staring at it. Biting the inside of his cheek he would finally look up... to see every other Hojo and Hyuuga in the dining hall staring right at the spastic young man, causing his cheeks to flush. Grabbing the envelope once again he would dart back to his quarters as quick as his feet could carry him. And sit at his desk.

Carefully and.. hesitantly he would open it, not sure what he would find inside. His eyes pouring over the stationary, the words only stirred his curiosity. His frustration only growing at her vague almost answer. Grabbing up his pen and stationary His hand works furiously yet precisely over the page.

Quote :

Akiza-chan,

I'm... confused. what did I do to upset you so?.. what did I ever deny you? I'm wracking my brain, but I did everything for you perhaps the only thing I couldn't do was give you space... but that's because you wanted me near. And, I couldn't stand not being near you.

I'm glad you're having fun on your vacation, I really am and I'm loathe to spoil your time with such questions but... I couldn't sleep the night before last and the only rest I have been able to get between then is from pure physical exhaustion It gnaws at me like a parasite in my mind.

Please... I still love you... no matter how hard I try not to... maybe maybe if I understand just what he offers you what I could not provide.. maybe then I could find peace with it...

Excellent!

EDIT: Paid!

The letter would not reach her until the following day close to the morning, as she sits eating dinner quietly with Sensui at the opposite end of the table. Another attendant would step to her, apologizing for interrupting before offering her the letter on a silver tray. Akiza tips the attendant once more, realizing she is spending a lot of money on these people! Before she opens the letter briefly and would seal it away for an opportune time to read it, and not be rude infront of her fiancé. When asked what it was about, she replies

“ Oh just some news back home, everything is alright – you know how mother gets when I am so far away. “ giggles nervously before tucking the letter away

It wont beIt wont be until later that evening that there is a celebratory occasion would occur in Spring, and that Sensui and Akiza were invited that she would take her chance to write back whilst Sensui was in the shower. Akiza would keep an alert eye on Sensui before finishing writing the letter and slips it to one of the attendants to be delivered, it reads:

Quote :

Dear Kaga-chan,

You wish to know my conditions that I made? I suppose you have that right, ok sure, the 3 conditions I had for this engagement to continue were:

1) He had to marry myself and Alessia. He accepted without hesitation, but said it wasn’t really what would make him happy and complied because it would make me happy. I offered you the same condition before some time ago, but it was denied and insulting to my friend.
2) He had to have your blessing, its why I sought you out and had to make sure you were the –first- to hear of it. Not even my parents knew until later on.
3) He had to ask my parents for my hand in marriage, which he did and made a good impression on them. They accepted.

Kaga-kun, please… I beg you with all my heart do not be upset – I want you to be happy for Sensui-kun and I, but most importantly yourself. You know how much of a handful I can be, I am not your problem anymore but Sensui’s and he has to deal with every side of me. My hope is that you can still find hope and faith in yourself, and that we can remain friends, and… I wish for you to still remain my guardian because there is noone more suited for such a position than you. But I will not let you be around me, and be hurt or uncomfortable if it is with Sensui-kun. You still do mean a lot to me, and always will.

I have to get going, we have dinner plans with some friends we met on the island. Take care of things back home for me? Send everyone my love!

Sincerely yours,

Hyuuga, Akizanami

Kagayaite would return home late in the evening, covered in sweat and barely able to stand, though when he sees that letter placed upon his desk dread curiosity would drive him forward, knowing he couldn't sleep until he knew what it contained, opening the envelope with a kunai he turns on his small desk lamp to read.

Quote :

Dear Akiza-chan,

It's with more than a heavy heart that I look at these criteria. Though I suppose I feel somewhat relieved as well... Perhaps I only loved an idealized version of yourself I kept in my head if these are truly what decided the matter. Ah .. no that's... harsher than I meant it to sound, but maybe there's a hint of truth in it. I.. love you... I loved you as a friend since we first met and it grew every day hence. I have little respect for your parents, nor do I think my blessing was ever required.. Think to yourself.. could you have respected my wishes to not marry Sensui and still loved me if I said no?... I promised because I knew saying otherwise would only drive you away and break your heart, and I couldn't bring myself to do either at the time.

What's more sobering is that first stipulation, and what it means for your current relationship... Please Akiza.. apologize to Sensui.. That's a dirty trick and one I don't think you explored the full consequences of in your head. You wanted to explore our devotion to you... but while we each didn't wish to share you with Alessia, Sensui agreed anyway to keep you and make you happy. Whether you force him to act on it is irrelevant you made him promise something like that. You put your own happiness above his own. Devotion and sacrifice should be a two-way street in a relationship. I would have moved a mountain rock by rock if you needed me to... But to demand that I or any man allow someone we don't wish into our shared marital bed?... That's selfish Akiza-chan and while I think he will forgive you for it.. as I believe I would in his situation, you should still apologize.

But if Alessia is someone who you will not marry without... We were truly doomed from the start, and while that breaks my heart in its' own way somehow it gives me some comfort as well however small...

I'll always love you Akiza-chan... I don't think I could ever hate or even dislike you. And what makes me the saddest about this letter is not that you have left me, or needed such extremes from your man... It's that you see yourself as a burden something to be carried and borne about and "dealt with". I thought you were just trying to flatter me when you said I was "to good for you"... and I denied it every time... But, maybe I didn't make myself clear enough, maybe I should have taken it more seriously. Akiza-chan you never were a burden to me. We had troubles some of them large, some of them small but I never felt any burden but that caused by your absence. You filled my life with love. Every time I looked into your eyes I felt lighter, I felt more confident, I felt driven to be a better man for your sake. perhaps.. if we had talked it over more seriously.. perhaps if you would have told me how much she meant to you I could have understood. I already had accepted Sensui after all...

But, knowing all this... perhaps this is for the best Perhaps I couldn't have even if you explained it a bit more seriously and heartfelt to me. I'm honestly not sure looking back.

If things don't work out with Sensui, if you ever need me perhaps we both will have changed enough by then that our romance will have a happy ending, but for now I think this might be best.

I will always be here for you, I will do anything for you Akiza-chan, even try to move on. But I won't be able to stop caring for you.

With Love,
your servant,
Hyuuga Kagayaite

For the first time in days, Kagayaite would get a full night's rest, not happy but at least not haunted.

Excellent!

EDIT: Paid!